The Sunspace

The loneliest time I’ve had in my life followed my move from Minnesota to Oregon for graduate school. I arrived in June bursting with anticipation; I couldn’t wait to recreate what I had in Minnesota: an active social life, a cache of loving friends…the elements I thought constituted a comfortable, meaningful existence. By the close of July, I was desperate. It wasn’t that I hadn’t meet good people, it was that I didn’t feel the spark, the intimacy, that I’d grown so accustomed to in Minnesota. I began to internalize the lack of relationships I’d formed and decided that the problem was me. I wasn’t outgoing enough, engaging enough, good enough. But after days and days of alone time, starting then and continuing today, I’ve realized good relationships take time, and in this world of 6 billion people, there’s plenty of potential.

I believe in relationships: my relationships with my friends, my family, my partner, Joe, and, perhaps most importantly, myself. These are the loves of my life. They are the people who have supported me through my worst and celebrated with me at my best. The reverse is also true. But relationships aren’t limited to our closest confidants. I form relationships, however fleeting or meaningful, with the customers I serve at my waitressing job, my partner’s coworkers, the homeless man I offer food to and even the stranger I make eye contact with on the street. Even the relationships we create with nonhumans: our cars, books, pets, and more, can elicit a sense of peace at the end of a hard day or cause grief when lost. Relationships are special, and the evolutionary track of human beings has ensured that our survival, physical and psychological, is dependent on the connections we create.

After excessive contemplation, I’ve come to believe the measure of a relationship isn’t always found in its depth, it also lies in its sense of equity and respect. I think this approach is especially vital to my work as a journalist, and previously my work as a political organizer, because of the sheer volume of contacts made daily and, often, the short period of exchange. Ultimately, I want people to feel good around me, to feel welcome and respected, and I believe my treatment of others reflects my belief in myself.

This I Believe Audio